More About Me♥

My name is Jace/Jewelz, I'm a 25yr old genderfluid USAF Veteran (MOS: Aerospace Medical, no combat or deploys) who hates bigotry and oppression and equally hated being in the military. Prior to 2019 and going Active Duty I had many many hobbies that I was intensely passionate about like crocheting, reading, drawing, ring making, scrapbooking and photograpghy. With the seven years that have followed I've fallen into a perpetual state of burnout and depression with passive SI. I don't do all of the same things I used to and find it hard to be productive towards anything that isn't gaming, journaling, sleeping or doomscrolling. This attributes to my passive SI because I feel like a bum due to lack of work or motivation. I spend almost everyday high and constantly looking at the news/world events wondering when things will get even worse and wondering when all of my rights will be stripped away.

In March of 2026 I started actually putting effort into this website and it awakened something in me. I realized instead of just wallowing in the misery that is 2026 Earth I could actually do something about the things that bother me. Creating this website reignited the spark I have for creating things. I feel less angry and frustrated after spending hours calmly editing the code to make this website instead of scrolling on social media. Every new website I encounter is full of wonder, excitement and a peek into the soul of its creator. And more and more I'm discovering people like me, people who are tired of being exploiting, lied to, spied on and under the heel of fascism.

Turning this website into my digital paracosm is the ultimate goal of my life. I know I will never be a great name, I know after I die and those few who know me pass on I will be forgotten forever. The thought of this surviving (for however long the neocities server survives I suppose lol) is exciting and makes me happy. I do not wish to be famous but I would like to be remembered. I would like something that can survive beyond me to show proof that I existed. The I was real. This digital Paracosm is just that. Proof I was real and that I was here, showing off my soul to the best of my creative and coding capabilities. It's no where near close to how I actually want it to look but that's something that'll have to change with time and experience.

I wish I had more magical or whimsical things to say about myself, I wish I could start this off in a cuter way or that I could say after leaving the military I followed my dreams and everything was a breeze. But it wasn't. The Me I am today is not the Me I am meant to become. I hope that while being vulnerable online (and in irl therapy) I can return to my true self. A person who wasn't always anxious, scared or depressed; the me who was extroverted and loved going on adventures anywhere with anyone. The me who felt a deeper connection to the spiritual and ancestoral roots around me. Who wasn't afriad to put activism first in fear of being taken away by modern day gestapo. I hope I can place fear behind me and live freely and justly.

Also sorry if the way I word things is weird

~Previous Entries~

8.1.26 4:03am

My partner helped me out of a 3 day depression yesterday. I was because I felt like the world refused to see or appreciate me, not that I'm some special person. I don't know why but ever since I was a little kid I've wanted to be "popular". I don't think it's bad to want to be seen and valued by many, I know it's a common shared wish but it still makes me feel bad for desiring it. Maybe it's because of how much I want it and why I don't know why I want it? What about me deserves "popularity"... well I suppose if I really think about it, then it's less being popular and more being listened too. People don't listen to me when it comes to important things. Or I feel like no matter how right I am they just talk right over me and don't care. But when you're popular nobody cares what you say, they listen, they agree, etc. Honestly, I want to be able to be heard in my reasoning without everyones immediate response being "no" "well actually" "I dont believe" because 8/10 THEY ARE WRONGGGGGGG! It wont even be about a debatable subject and they'll still disagree! ;0;

That is why when I post or try to speak out and it fails I take it super personal, but its not. Online ppl don't know me so idk why I care if they like me so much... anyway, I started this at 4am but its 7am now. I got to walk Teddy and we had a good walk, I saw a beautiful sunrise and the moon♥