Previous entries

6.28.2026 12:29-2:50am

Life is full of meaning and meaninglessness at the same time. I do not know who I am, what my purpose on Earth is or how to stop being a lazy bum. Honestly I have grown entitled to feeling like I should not have to work, it is pathetic but I am so tired. I just want to be a child again in a way, just school and no other responsibilities. No worries because the grown ups will fix the world and im too young to do anything about it anyway. But I am almost 26... I remember being so absolutely certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't make it past 18 OR 21! And now... 26???

I wonder what I am really doing with my life. Am I really proud and happy to be sitting around all day only playing games, barely eating or sleeping? I don't want to work another meaningless job, but I know I have to. I need to make money in order to grow and get ahead. I think I know what I might want to go to school for, but first I want to try out the job idea I have. I think I can do it. I want to work somewhere I can have pride and know to the best of my ability that I am doing good, honorable work. Someplace I'll respect and might be respected for through honest labor and time. I hope I can get into it and I hope I can earn my way up to my dream properly. My dream is to have enough money saved up so that I can live comepletely at home and not work even if I have to grow my own food (growing food would be a bonus though!).

Lately, me and my boyfriend have been really good. Our love seems to have grown a lot recently and I think he is going to propose soon :3

It is very exciting to me as he is my true soulmate, he is compassionate, intelligent acedemically and emotionally, funny, handsome and so so fun to spend time with. He has been my stars for the last 13-14 years and I don't know where I'd be without him. I hope beyond all hope that I never have to see a day when he isn't here.

6.10.2026 3:59am

I've been too lazy and busy to work on the website recently sadly. I have a wedding to go to soon so thats been stressing me a bit, big events always do. I also sadly still haven't gotten to get into my therapy appointments in person so that sucks :/

Mainly just been bouncing between intense suicidial depression and this weird hopecore thing where I believe I can live forever and accomplish anything. I don't know though, lifes just been meh .__. I've been trying to get out more and do different things as well as try to be more productive, the people in my life all getting tired of me and I can understand why so I've been trying to do better. I honestly just wish I'd fall into a coma or something so I could just be left alone lol